We’re now in April, its been just over 7 months since I became a single mum.
It has been the rockiest, most turbulent time of my life. There are obviously highs and lows, however there are a few things that I just really didn’t expect. That is what I’m going to write about today. It’s not the nicest blog to write but I said I’d keep these true to life so hold on to your hats!
Other People Are Better At Moving On
Everyone was equally as shocked as me when it happened, everyone was equally as outraged. A lot of those people seem to have forgotten about that and are now fine about it, which is okay, it isn’t their life that it happened to. However they also expect me to be fine about it because they are over the shock, they think I should be. They have forgiven, they expect me to have done. They have moved on, they expect me to as well.
My life is still pretty much like a car crash. With having to sell the house, still going through the divorce proceedings, downsizing every part of my life that I can, having to cope with not having my children all the time amongst many other things. I’m not over it, I haven’t moved on, everything is still pretty raw. It’s only been 7 months and we’re talking about the breakdown of what I thought was going to be the rest of my life. I’m not sure I’ll ever get over that, I’m giving it a damn good go but it’s not as easy as it sounds.
But You Were Seeing Someone Else So You’re Fine Now?
I was seeing someone else, that doesn’t mean I’d moved on. That means I’d met someone I really liked and decided to give it a go. My life was still a mess, I was still missing my kids, I was still feeling hugely betrayed and it was still one of the most devastating things that has ever happened to me. However I deserve a crack at happiness with another person.
The ‘Mutual Crew’
There are obviously friends and family members that want to remain neutral. I understand that. That tends to all be fine until another person is introduced. All of a sudden I have been replaced by this other person in family gatherings, holidays, social situations. That hurts like hell. It feels like the betrayal has happened all over again. But. of course, I’m supposed to have moved on by now. You then sometimes get the mutual crew saying ‘well, you won’t mind if I invite you both to my housewarming will you?!’ I’m sorry, it might sound horribly selfish but I will. I don’t want to be put in that situation and if you’re asking the question, there is clearly some doubt in your mind about it too.
A Bitter Spirit Will Keep You From Being A Better Person
I am not a bitter person, my bitterness is a product of the situation I have found myself in. I’m well aware it’s a horrible trait, I’m well aware I need to get rid of it, but when my life is so up in the air it’s awfully hard to start moving forward. I still feel incredibly positive about my future. I have amazing friends and family who still prop me up throughout my journey, but it isn’t a happy journey and I can’t envisage many in the situation say it is for them.
However, I can’t imagine ever getting over the sense of deceit and betrayal. But I will move forward with my life and ensure it is the happiest it can be for my children and myself. They are the light of life and I make sure they are aware of that every day. I will not let any hurt or bitterness seep into them.
As always, this is my personal journey, yours may be completely different, you might disagree entirely about how you feel, I would hope some people do. I never would’ve known how I would react or how it would feel unless I had been through it so if you’re reading this and have a friend going through something similar, please remember that only they know how they feel, other people cannot tell them how they should feel. Support them, lift them up when they’re down and don’t forget the wine or chocolate!
I’m sorry it’s a slightly more negative blog than I usually do but when I originally started writing these it was to tell people how it really is, how I genuinely feel about things, the good the bad and the ugly. I’ll make sure the next one makes you feel all warm and gooey inside 😉
Love, as always,
PS Whilst you’re here, have you checked out the new stock?? It’s gorgeous! Oh and keep an eye out for videos coming soon and some very exciting news!!
PPS That isn’t a spot on my head, I’d just been bashed with a stick!!