Wow. I can’t get over the reaction I’ve had to my last blog post. I was so incredibly nervous about posting it and putting myself out there but I’m now so glad I did. The amount of comments, messages, friend requests and likes it had is so overwhelming. I’ve had messages from so many inspirational women who have been through similar or are just at the start of this journey and are worried about what lies ahead. I’ve also had messages from women who are further down the line than me and said they aren’t doing as well as me. I have a message for you ladies…
STOP right there. Do not think for one second that you are not good enough because you perceive that you aren’t doing as well as me. This is such a rollercoaster and just like you, I have up days and down days. Just ask my friends who have to pick me up off the floor on the down days (or more often than not, give me wine!) If you are getting out of bed, looking after your kids and eating, then you’re doing amazingly well! I had some brilliant advice near the beginning from an old friend, he told me I just have to use the VIP method each day. Vertical and In Pants. If you can manage that each day then well done. Set yourself a task each day, no matter how small it is. I remember one day mine was to put makeup on. My best friend set this task for me for my sons 8th birthday party. She bought me a new dress and told me she wanted to see me at his party in the dress and with makeup on. I can’t tell you the difference it made from moping around in joggers, with my hair scraped back and tears streaming down my face. I felt, even if just for a couple of hours, like me again and it boosted my strength no end.
Don’t expect too much of yourself. It’s okay to bury your head if you need to for a little while, as long as you make sure you eventually pick yourself back up again.
Ask for help. Learn to accept help when it is offered. You are not expected to do everything by yourself.
Most importantly remember it is not the end of the world. It might feel like the end of your world as you currently know it but you will soon settle into a new normal. You will be happy again at some stage.
As I was told at the beginning, you aren’t the first woman this has happened to and you most certainly won’t be the last. It might not sound like a comforting thing to say to someone but actually, if you think about it, it’s spot on. Everyone knows someone who has gone through it and is getting on with life. There really are only 2 options in this situation, get on with things, knowing that the hurt will eventually pass and you’ll move on, or give up. Giving up isn’t actually an option when you have kids so you have to get on with things in the best way that you can.
Talk to people. Bottling everything up never did anyone any good.
I kept a diary for the first few weeks, I wrote in it each night before bed. It really helped to try and make sense of my feelings and get everything off my chest at night so I could have a decent nights sleep. It might not work for you but try it, you have nothing to lose and you might find it really cathartic!
Never judge yourself by other peoples standards. Just because that mum at school sends her kids in with packed lunches full of homemade quinoa and kale salads it doesn’t mean you have to. A jam sandwich will do if you’re at the end of your tether. And when you sit there thinking I’m doing brilliantly 5 months in when you’re 18 months down the line and still crying yourself to sleep, remember we have all gone through different situations to lead us to this place, we all process things differently and we are all different people. So it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to ‘get there’ wherever there might be, the main thing is that you do and that you get back some happiness, in your own time.
You are stronger than you think.
Lynsey @ Lulibelle xx